I'm not really lost, but I need to find myself.

You know what. That was silly. The last post was everything I’ve been trying to do; well more like some of the things I’ve been trying to do; to escape thinking of things deeper.

I think since I’ve started to blog, I’ve learnt to be more open, learnt to share better and learnt to trust people around me. But there has been a downside to this. I’m being so open and there are times that I want to shut up, but I can’t seem to. So to prevent me spewing my guts out to most everyone, I am avoiding most people. This has unfortunately meant that I am talking a lot lesser with my family and friends.

I know I can’t take people around me for granted. But I hope they understand that I need this space now. I don’t want to feel like a burden and the only way I can avoid it is by staying away for a bit. I think I manage to “get back” fairly easily … well at least easily with friends anyways. My family bond has always been a struggle for some reason. I tend to be way sillier and weird around them than usual. Of course, they have to kind of like me, b’cos “we’re family” n all that… but I know it’s a totally different dynamic there. I wish I was closer; but just can’t do it. I think with most people, I have hard time being myself.

That’s the weird thing too. I don’t think I know myself either. Maybe that’s the thing I need to do. Define myself better. Stop being wishy-washy and lay down the foundation. Or at least recognize that it’s already there.