Me and my wall
When I said that I am not what I am, I wasn’t trying to make a weird sounding – incoherent sentence. Of course people who know me, gosh for that matter even the ones who don’t know me, will say that I am the least coherent person at times. But I was trying to make perfect sense when I said that line.
I’ve realized that I come across as a very different person to different people. I am silly, juvenile and funny with some and extremely sober and sensible with others. People to whom I show one side do see the other side from time to time, but that’s a rare occurrence. Not a nice thing to do, but that’s that.
I think I have major problems opening up to people. I want to be able to pour my heart out from time to time, but just can’t do it. It’s not ‘cos of lack of trust, but more ‘cos of my inherent nature with regards to things close to me. I present issues that are very important to me in a blasé manner. I am inept when it comes to verbal display of emotions. Gosh for that matter I suck at showing love to people that I care about too. Anyways, I guess I want to come across as someone who is unscathed from the harsh cruelties that life in general doles out from time to time. I doubt I’m fooling anyone, but hey a girl’s gotta try right?
There is no wallowing in self pity business and other crap of that kind here. I just wish I could get rid of the wall I build around myself. I don’t know if it’s there to prevent myself from getting hurt or from hurting the folks who care for me. Either ways, it’s gotta go.
I’ve realized that I come across as a very different person to different people. I am silly, juvenile and funny with some and extremely sober and sensible with others. People to whom I show one side do see the other side from time to time, but that’s a rare occurrence. Not a nice thing to do, but that’s that.
I think I have major problems opening up to people. I want to be able to pour my heart out from time to time, but just can’t do it. It’s not ‘cos of lack of trust, but more ‘cos of my inherent nature with regards to things close to me. I present issues that are very important to me in a blasé manner. I am inept when it comes to verbal display of emotions. Gosh for that matter I suck at showing love to people that I care about too. Anyways, I guess I want to come across as someone who is unscathed from the harsh cruelties that life in general doles out from time to time. I doubt I’m fooling anyone, but hey a girl’s gotta try right?
There is no wallowing in self pity business and other crap of that kind here. I just wish I could get rid of the wall I build around myself. I don’t know if it’s there to prevent myself from getting hurt or from hurting the folks who care for me. Either ways, it’s gotta go.
posted by procrastinator at 4:54 AM
5 Comments:
hmmmmmmm
-Deepak Sastry
For no reason,
Laughed when there was no joke
Cried when there was no despair
Hugged when there was no intent of make-feel-good
Ate an ice cream in biting winter
Felt happy when there was no good news
Felt crabby when there was no sour news
Danced the night when there was no raison d’ celebration
Accepted
Declined
Waved to a stranger
Smiled at a rival
Fell in love
Fell deeper in love
Lost myself in thoughts
Watched their randomness
Let my hair down
Broke the rules
Surrendered my senses momentarily
Let go
All for no reason…no reason at all
-- Deepak Sastry
Fancy this for a moment. Welcome to the World Of Illusions. Purported. Fallacious. Jivey. Occult. And much much more.
"Shell of Beatitude" - One primal reason why we so much love to lose ourselves in a complex maze of irrationality is to seek solace from the harsh, gnawing reality of this world. A cursed, clandestine chimera. We fall in love with it. We nurture it. A king-sized version of all the hidden desires and aspirations. A self-developed model of personal Utopia. Or a Fool's Paradise.
"Desire for Debacle" - How many people have you seen who are addicted to losing? The world would have put a needle in their balloons of expectations so many times that they are morphed into incessant failures. And they just cannot do anything else. They think it is their duty to lose. And constantly hunt for mirages. Because they know they cannot find what they want. And they simply love it that way.
"Marquis De Sade Syndrome" - Pretty simple. Vent out your vengeance in those barbarous imaginations of the mind. Without letting anyone see the savage in you. Deceive the world. Deceive yourself. Give an expression to your cloistered coarse character. After all, who has a pure mind free of a conspiracy, to say the least?
"Crossing the border to Delusion" - A mentally aberrant state. What differentiates a so-called normal person from a neurotic or hysteric? Suppression of madness is normalcy in usual parlance. When the Devil Inc. called Illusion possesses you to such an extent that you can no longer separate him from your shadow, you are declared mad.
Sad. Sade would agree.
Deepak Sastry
thats a lot of writing for u....getting into blogging seriously huh
"I’ve realized that I come across as a very different person to different people."
May be true for many
I used to think that constantly about me (in a phase of life when i used to think). But now too many people seem that way.
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