Graveyards are filled with indispensable men

Sarcastic lines strike me as more profound than flowery poetry.

My aunt’s brother passed away this morning and I was left to cook up something sensible to say to the immediate family. There is little one can offer as consolation at such a time, yet it is considered rude to not do it too I guess.

The immediate family is of course struck the hardest. It isn’t as if an asteroid hit them, but more like a stalagmite slowly crushed them to death. The initial wailing that movies show is just a farce. Most often than not, the real sorrow kicks in much later. As time passes by, it weirdly becomes apparent that the deceased will never really show up, and the void becomes more and more prevalent. Whoever said that it gets better with time probably never lost a dear one.



There is an exercise that therapists do. They draw this circle that’s all black and they say that’s you. The pain has consumed you entirely and there is little else. With time, it’s not that the pain has become lesser, but you have grown as a person to become and feel more than just the sorrow. It takes time to grow though!

Of course it’s sad that one’s life can loose such meaning with the dearth of someone else’s presence. I guess loosing to love and to death is not much different. You resort to musings and smiles, the timing for both of which can be so off sometimes that you end up kicking yourself. They both leave you feeling blessed and empty at the same time. The old line “better to have loved n lost, than to have ever loved at all” feels so true. I would not trade a single moment and am so glad to have had someone so beautiful in my life. The sorrow thats following will just have to be endured.

Hopefully with time, you grow so much that the pain is just a dot in your persona. I know I’d like that. For now I’ll resort to cheap tricks like begging for hugs till I feel better by myself.

Children of lesser God?

Whoever coins a phrase like that? I initially thought that it was a typo and meant something like “children of lesser good”, but that made little sense as well. After a call to a friend, it was confirmed that it was correct indeed. “Children of lesser God” implies all the people of lesser fortune apparently. WTF.

There is no God. It’s unfortunate that while you and I are spending time surfing the net, there are people sleeping in a slum. Someone comes along who coins a phrase that attributes the latter sect to a vengeful God of all things. As I’ve grown older, I’ve transformed from an avid devotee to a skeptic agnostic to a firm atheist. I wish people would stop making phrases that use the lord’s name in vain and instead said things that spoke for what they were. There are folks whose lives suck. It isn’t ‘cos God has subordinates that take care of some; and like most employees, they aren’t doing their job right.

I don’t know why I got so worked up about the phrase when I first read it. I guess I don’t want these children to exist. I don’t want to think of the intricacies of human life. And least of all, I don’t want their existence to be justified with an even lamer reason like God willed them to be.

Learning to plug

I have to learn to shamelessly plug this blog if I want it to survive at all. I think that the more people read it, the probability that I might actually bother to post stuff in it will be high. But, considering the fact that my blog's content is rather abysmal, I doubt this will last long. Such a pity I say.

Trying to write..

Looks like I only bother to write when I am pissed at something or bored or similar. I would like to be one of those people who can write at the spur of the moment. Wait, not just that, but someone who can write beautifully. I guess writing would be one of those traits you are born with. I mean, do creative writing classes really help? I know dance classes help to a certain extent, but if you don’t have the rhythm in you, you’re a lost cause to start with.

Everybody who likes to read would like to write. I’m sure most people have read books that mirrored their own ideas so much that they probably kicked themselves for not putting it down first. I wish I had the ingenuity to come up with something as amazing as calvin and hobbes, but that is really pushing the wishing list right?

Who wants to see Pink Floyd?

After the whole Live 8 concert, haven’t there been enough people who have gone crazy with the speculation of a possible comeback and get together tour? It’s good that the members have bothered to deny the possibility of a tour after all. All the bait about how they “just might” or “want to do it, but can’t right now” talk was just too much to take after you knew they didn’t really want to play together anymore. Whatever happened to the love of music? Their part of the concert was rated the highest. I wish they’d see that a LOT of people would like to see them. If they don’t care about the money it’ll generate, they could at least do it for a “special cause”. It was obvious they were totally enjoying themselves.

I went to a Floyd cover band concert in Saratoga two years ago. They called themselves “Aussie Floyd”. The band was rather good and played a nice mix of songs. I thought it would be hard to hear an Australian accent crooning out my British songs, but all the songs were beautifully rendered. We all had good fun there, nodding along to the music, watching people dancing to Floyd (actually dancing) and trying to sniff out the source of dope. Now let me go on record to say I still can’t figure out the difference between the smell of grass and cigarettes. I don’t think it’s ‘cos of my acute lack of smell, but most probably due to the total lack of real-time experience sniffing around lawns.

Anyways, it was in the restroom there that I met a few people who had actually seen the real Floyd play live. After the initial, “I can’t believe someone so young is into Floyd” and “the last time I saw them, you weren’t even born” yada yada talk, they told me how wonderful the whole concert had been. Eyes lit up and nostalgic smiles showed up. Everyone agreed that the current band was not bad at all, but was nothing compared to the real deal.

I saw Roger Waters play in Bangalore (India) 4 years ago (I’ll reserve talk about that concert for another post), and though the concert was good, it wasn’t all I had personally hoped for. Blame it on bad location (read cheap seats), or the rather screwed up sound. It wasn’t one of my best concerts. I’d rather see Gilmore and Mason play any day. I probably differ from the usual Floyd fan here, ‘cos I’m leaving any nice words for Roger behind. I wish that they would just chuck Rogers from the equation, and play. I’ll travel anywhere and camp outside forever for that one.

My first concert…

..was Bryan Adams. My dad finally decided I was old enough to go to a concert, to which I went alone. I was 16 then and rather excited to be there, even though I only knew like a couple of his songs.

I had floor tickets. Didn't know how the ticketing system worked and I just followed the crowd and made my way to the front of the stage somehow. There were no barricades then, so I could lean on the stage (I miss that setting now. These days you're lucky if you are within 10 feet to the stage at most places). Having not mastered my small talk skills by then, my 2 hour wait time for Adams was rather un-eventful.

When they came out, I was bang in front of the lead guitarist, who was fun to watch. Bryan had humongous amounts of energy and kept running all over the stage. The kid actually kicked my Pepsi off the stage in his excitement and then winked at me. That was good fun. The only time I had such an experience I guess :-). That brings me to this weird phenomenon. I've never understood people's need to try and touch musicians. There was this lady behind me who would squish me to the stage everytime bryan came around and stood in front of me. I had to literally fight her off, but she was much stronger and I resigned myself to the fate and kept praying he wouldn't stop in front of me to play.

I yelled myself hoarse, singing every song wrong and making up my own lyrics. I talked like I had a sore throat for days after that.

Oh, I guess I should give a summary of kinds. If you are into bryan adams, he's good fun to watch and plays a lot of encores. I personally, outgrew him a long time ago, but I still have fond memories of the concert.

Some songs are pure genius

I was listening to radiohead's creep. There are times when I connect so well with that song. I guess, more so when I am down. Nevertheless, the song is just brilliant.

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin'special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

Can't sleep :-(

It's past 4 in the morning and I don't even feel sleepy. This habit of a few hours snooze everynight is getting to me. I am tired all day, but just can't seem to dose off at nights. Can one take Nyquil when stuffy nose isn't the only thing holding you from sleeping like a baby?

How I misheard a song...

I was kind of zoning out on anesthesia and heard this song by Pink Floyd called "learning to fly" for the first time. I misheard it and loved it. I later found out how wrong I was. I kind of like my version though :">

the original goes : A soul in tension that's learning to fly

I thought they were saying: my sole intention was learning to fly

The song itself is beautiful. Do listen to it if you haven't.

I want to talk about music

There are few passions in my life that go as deep as my love for music. I think I will yak about various musicians that I like and share my concert experiences. But, considering how much I tend to ramble on, guess this blog isn't limited to any one thing at all.