There is no cure for the common cold...
…then how can there be one for the discontented.
I've got a bad disease
But from my brain, is where I bleed.
Insanity it seems
Has got me by my soul to squeeze.
I think the more time I have spent in the USA, the more jaded I have become. I have wondered about the reasons for this change. I used to really like the person that was me. I wasn’t happy with me, so to speak .. but I liked what I saw. A sort of third person perspective, if you will. I was honest, within limits. If not to others, at least, to myself. Although I was confused at times, even when it wasn’t within reason, I felt it was alright. I was in a way, at peace with the world. I had no problems or qualms connecting, reaching out or touching. I actually yearned for that. Then the slow transformation took me.
I don’t know if the change came on because of the place or that people just change as they grow older. But, I hate the person I have become. Well, most people are over critical of themselves. Everyone knows we should give ourselves a break, but it always seems like such a hard thing to do. Reach a little higher, go a little longer. To prove what and to whom? I’m sure everyone is too occupied with their own crap to notice your twitching.
Hmmm. So I’ve changed. I’ve dulled down and sobered up. Going into adulthood can do that to you. But that’s not all. It seems I have burned out. I know I am still capable of loving, caring, the whole nine yards. But, it’s changed. I can feel it and I think it shows. There was a time I used to genuinely care about things. I still do, and now I usually take a position to actually help out. But it feels so half hearted. I feel like my life is going down the drain and there is nothing I am doing to change it.
It’s weird when you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel comfortable in a way that is actually uncomfortable. I am not happy with what I see. Change happens. Jeez. Even shit happens, apparently. And yet, I cannot roll with it.
I am not bitter. Just disappointed that I didn’t do better. Not for the judgments I will be put through, but for my own solace.
I could not forget
But I will not endeavor
Simple pleasures aren't as special
But I wont regret it never.
Where I go, I just don't know
I got to, got to, gotta take it slow.
When I find my piece of mind
I'm gonna give you some of my good time.
I've got a bad disease
But from my brain, is where I bleed.
Insanity it seems
Has got me by my soul to squeeze.
I think the more time I have spent in the USA, the more jaded I have become. I have wondered about the reasons for this change. I used to really like the person that was me. I wasn’t happy with me, so to speak .. but I liked what I saw. A sort of third person perspective, if you will. I was honest, within limits. If not to others, at least, to myself. Although I was confused at times, even when it wasn’t within reason, I felt it was alright. I was in a way, at peace with the world. I had no problems or qualms connecting, reaching out or touching. I actually yearned for that. Then the slow transformation took me.
I don’t know if the change came on because of the place or that people just change as they grow older. But, I hate the person I have become. Well, most people are over critical of themselves. Everyone knows we should give ourselves a break, but it always seems like such a hard thing to do. Reach a little higher, go a little longer. To prove what and to whom? I’m sure everyone is too occupied with their own crap to notice your twitching.
Hmmm. So I’ve changed. I’ve dulled down and sobered up. Going into adulthood can do that to you. But that’s not all. It seems I have burned out. I know I am still capable of loving, caring, the whole nine yards. But, it’s changed. I can feel it and I think it shows. There was a time I used to genuinely care about things. I still do, and now I usually take a position to actually help out. But it feels so half hearted. I feel like my life is going down the drain and there is nothing I am doing to change it.
It’s weird when you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel comfortable in a way that is actually uncomfortable. I am not happy with what I see. Change happens. Jeez. Even shit happens, apparently. And yet, I cannot roll with it.
I am not bitter. Just disappointed that I didn’t do better. Not for the judgments I will be put through, but for my own solace.
I could not forget
But I will not endeavor
Simple pleasures aren't as special
But I wont regret it never.
Where I go, I just don't know
I got to, got to, gotta take it slow.
When I find my piece of mind
I'm gonna give you some of my good time.
posted by procrastinator at 3:27 PM
6 Comments:
time cures all...
Keep writing honey you have a beautiful penmanship. I am sure you will figure out a way to secure you content..You have great potential to inspire so keep it going
love you
Neelu akka
You are writing depressive stuff offlate. Maybe you need to write something fun and that might help your mood.
Take care of yourself
cheerz
:)
the don
u ARE being overcritical of yourself....i dont think others think that you have become jaded....stop beating yourself
oh :-) i love all u buggers so much
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